Responses and suggestions from other home educators – Opposition
What advice would you give to someone who is facing opposition from friends and/or family because they home educate?
I couldn’t actually tell you which of my friends and family approve or disapprove because I wouldn’t ever ask for their approval or opinion on something that is a decision for me, my husband and our daughter to make.
I answer questions that come my way, I talk about the things that excite me and interest me as does my daughter and we don’t invite the opportunity for criticism. I know it’s there but I’m not feeding it any attention
Who cares what other people think. No their kid, not their problem! I wouldn’t even bother having those conversations, and am fortunate that I haven’t really ever had to. My mum homeschooled my 3 brothers and I for a long time so I was used to it a bit
Don’t discuss it with them to begin with. It’s actually not a requirement to have your friends and family approve. Discussing it with them can lead to them feeling judged for their own choices and then being insecure about what you may think of *them* they create push back. I’ve found that when you’re already doing it and haven’t mentioned it to them one way or the other there is far less criticism or fear mongering because It makes it clear your choices have nothing to do with them.
exactly. Just get on with it. And ultimatum – either support the journey or step aside. People will pick reasons why it won’t succeed and there’s enough of that around. Need supporters. If not, zip it.
yep I didn’t discuss it with anyone and have been doing it since May 2020. I only told someone in December last year because someone asked and they didn’t even seem interested and I just proved that I didn’t give two hoots about anyone’s opinion or approval by not saying anything the whole time.
My biggest opposition came from mainstream system. I just smiled and was very understanding… Then I went and did 9 months of homeschooling. My daughter had a mental break and we bonded. All positive
Smile at them and do what you want anyway. Goodluck
Most of the time its ignorance . If they are willing to listen i explain how it goes. Some people change their opinion and some dont . I honestly dont care much if anyone says anything about it anymore because i see what it did to my kids and how their manners and academic have improved
I lost friends. My husband wasn’t happy with homeschooling till we decided to review 6 month’s time. He saw the difference and was on board. Now he does the hands-on stuff….woodwork etc.
When ever someone asks, I say “we homeschool, it works for our family” I find it stops anyone feeling like they need to defend their choice to send their children to school.
I know one family member who has expressed they don’t agree with homeschooling to other family members, but whenever I see them and they ask anything, I reply with confidence, certainty and a clear understanding of how we are going to do things. I do think that they aren’t so much against homeschooling, but wishes they were able to do something similar for their child that struggled at school for a while.
You can also turn questions back to them, eg “what about socialising?” I turn around and ask them nicely “what is it about my children that make you think they don’t know how to socialise?” once they stop and actually think about what they are asking and watch the kids they soon realise they often have better social skills for the range of ages they are playing with and actually interacting with others.
“Aren’t you worried they are behind with their school work?” – “no, I know they are in some subjects, but I would hate to think how far behind they would be if they were at school not receiving any one on one explicit instruction. Do you think there are no kids behind in their school work at school? It’s the advantage of homeschooling we can work at the child’s pace for as long as it takes, instead of just hoping they catch up later at school”
My advice, keep calm, stay confident and be kind, most of the opposition comes from a place of ignorance or guilt that they feel, it usually has nothing to do with you or your child or your choice. Just like educating our children, sometimes we need to educate others, and we need to educate them in a way they will learn, with a certain amount of understanding, respect and room for them to think for themselves, we can’t tell others what to think, only steer them with the right information and questions.
We are so proud of you,love that you do this for the grandkids.
“Aren’t you scared they’re going to get behind?”
Response: “like they were at school? When their teachers didn’t tell me and I had no idea how to help them? I’m not scared of that now no, because I’m aware of where they are at and involved in their learning”
Nod and agree with them and then go and do exactly what you planned
I had a conversation on the weekend and politely pointed out that my daughter has graduate university with a Bachelor Degree whilst three of their four children have started multiple higher learning and dropped out. My Mr13 is doing senior subjects & is happy. I pointed out that there is more to life than their ‘old boys’ network. I may be a bit cranky because these family members have been trying to ‘test’ my kids for years.
I would say find other homeschooling families to connect in with. It is much easier to feel confidant and speak confidantly and/or not even have it as a conversation topic with people who disagree when you know you are not alone and have people who understand your choice to discuss it with, particularly if you are finding it difficult or need ideas/suggestions.
My son had a bit of back lash from a couple of friends he went to school with. Just constantly throwing stuff in his face.
This is the best decision for this child at this stage in time.
Keep an open mind and try to stay curious (if the relationships are important to you and you have the energy). Curious in the sense of appreciating and trying to understand where they’re coming from. Negative judgements can come from ignorance, sometimes combined with genuine, well intentioned (even if it’s misplaced) concern. Some people will be open to learning and changing their views if you don’t judge them for worrying and are able to gradually educate them about a different way of seeing things.
Try and remember your own fears when you were starting out… You probably needed time to learn, adjust and feel comfortable with the process for your family. Other people might well be the same. Most don’t actually know very much about home education and their initial reaction might be to feel judged for keeping their kids in the system.
That said, if they don’t relent and get hostile or overly drainingagree with the comments above! Absolutely not our responsibility to help others understand where we’re coming from, I guess I’m just pointing out the opportunity we have to gradually educate others if we have the energy to do so
I literally just had my sister in law get on her high horse and made me feel terrible and doubtful about starting my10yr old on the home schooling journey, while her very un happy 10yr daughter is sent to a private catholic school. Implying my daughter will have no education or future. But after reading all these comments has helped and I know I’m putting my child’s happiness and well-being before anything else
Stand your ground.
“Thank you for your opinion, but it is absolutely none of your business”. Smile and change the topic.
To remember that they really don’t know anything about it and only know what they are used to. Unless they’ve researched and actually tried it themselves then there’s not much merit in what’s being said and is mainly uninformed opinions that shouldn’t be taken to heart.
We KNOW that children at school don’t always learn the content before being moved ahead… Thus school attending children have gaps. The potential ‘gap’ in knowledge is now neutral. NOW, a parent who can KNOW exactly what their child has done, even if they are years behind in math due to work resistance, at least this mama knows when their child gets to year 8 math, they actually HAVE year 1-7 math knowledge.
Just do you
Opinions are like armpits, everybody has a couple and they often stink.
Come back in six months when the child is happy and learning, if they must have an opinion
Keep calm and soldier on. It’s none of their business, and you are the one that knows what’s best for your child.
Actually, when we started homeschooling our eldest, who’d been in school for just over a year, my MIL was dead-set against it. Within a month, she admitted that she had her grandson back (he became the relaxed, chatty boy that she loved). Then, she realised it meant that she could start spending way more time with the kids. And, she became invaluable as she took on teaching them too. She loved covering domestic science, science, and nature studies. She loved taking them for walks, swimming, snorkelling etc – and every trip ended with a stop in at one cafe or another.
Since homeschooling, people are always asking how my kids’ learning is going. They are happy and engaging in life. When they were at school, struggling and unhappy, there was hardly any questions about their learning. Go figure
We have to be accredited or registered with the State Government to home school and meet the curriculum standards at reviews. If the parent is willing to do it, it is usually because they are putting their child first if they are having problems at school. Unfortunately, other parents are not going to be able to understand this. In addition, there are so many online programs out there for home schooling, the parent only needs to be a guide but can access lots of support help. Just say, “I am doing what I need to do for my child and I am supported by the State Government to do so”.
My child won’t be left behind in a classroom of 30+ students! He can work at any grade level he wants & focus on any subject without being held back. He can stretch his legs when he wants & he doesn’t have to put his hand up with no guarantee of being picked to answer a question or worse not have his question answered. But best of all, he can go to a theme park in the middle of the week and not wait in a que or meet up with other homeschoolers for play dates, get togethers, excursions & activities.
Ignore them and go on regardless. You know what is right for your family.
If they can’t support you or at least accept what you are doing, then perhaps you don’t need people like that are in your life.
Find your village.
You shouldn’t have to defend any parenting choice and you don’t owe explanation to anyone.
The people that mind don’t matter, and the people that matter don’t mind.”
Remember that home educating is an implied criticism of other people’s choices for their children’s education and they may feel threatened by your choices. Be kind. Avoid feeling you have to justify your choice.
Get new friends?
Defending yourself implies you’ve done something wrong so walk away from that behaviour.
Tell them to mind there own business, not their kids, they’re yours.
Turn it around on them? Oh so your child is really social and intelligent because they go to school? The social environment of school is WHY we homeschool
